Baby Loss Certificates – Validating the Pain

I was very pleased to hear recently in the BBC News about the new Baby Loss Certificates that can be given to anyone who loses a baby before 24 weeks gestation.

As a Counsellor, I have worked with many parents who have struggled to come to terms with the very real pain of losing a baby, all of which can be made even more difficult when there is no acknowledgement that their baby even existed.

If a baby dies after 24 weeks gestation it is called a stillbirth, and all the accepted ways of dealing with the death of a loved one apply; a death certificate, a funeral, a period of grieving, a grave with a plaque or headstone – all things that mark the baby’s place in the world and in a family. Until now, prior to 24 weeks there was nothing.

So, it is welcome news that all hospitals in England will now offer parents a certificate in recognition of their loss with the hope being that it will offer something tangible that marks their baby’s existence within their family and within the world, and recognises the impact of their loss. 

From a counselling point of view, I also think the certificates will help grieving parents to feel that their pain and grief is validated too.

When no-one else has known your unborn baby it can be hard to share your lonely grief; it can be hard to make sense of the depth of sadness that you feel when you having seemingly nothing to show for it, and other people around you can move on very quickly and expect you to do the same.

With nothing to show for your loss it can become easy to rush your grief to fall in line with others who have ‘moved on.’ With nothing to show for your loss it can be possible to think you should be ‘over it’ and that you shouldn’t still be weeping. With nothing to show for your loss it can be sad to think that your baby may, in time, be forgotten, and with nothing to show for your loss it can be hard to make sense of what has happened and work towards a place of acceptance.

My hope, therefore, is that these new certificates will not only validate the existence of the baby who has died, but will also, and very importantly, validate the pain that the parents feel, allowing them to grieve well - without judgement, without rush and without isolation.

Every baby matters, and the feelings of every grieving parent are valid – regardless of stage of pregnancy. Hopefully these certificates, which have been long campaigned for, will go some way to making a small, yet positive, difference to the families that experience the devastation of baby loss.

For more information or to obtain a certificate please see https://www.gov.uk > baby-loss-certificate