The Long and Difficult Road of Infertility
After spending years controlling ‘Not getting pregnant’ by using contraception, it can come as a huge shock for many, that they cannot control ‘Getting Pregnant’.
Whilst contraception prevents women getting pregnant, in an ideal world it would seem logical that the absence of contraception would then allow a well-timed, planned and longed for pregnancy to take place.
Sadly, we don’t live in an ideal world and for many the challenge and struggle to conceive can feel endless. Month after month, couples can ride the roller coaster of emotion as hope begins to rise, temperatures and timings are duly noted, waiting for what seems like forever, only to be crushed and disappointed again and yet another cycle begins.
This all-consuming journey eats into normality as emotions run wild. Everyday conversations become impossible, “How are you?” is a question you can no longer answer with a straightforward reply, but it is far preferable to the impossible questions and comments from well-meaning interested parties who ask “Are you going to have a baby soon?” or make comments such as “Your turn next!”
Social events and social media become minefields of navigation as you keep in check your reaction to yet another pregnancy announcement and smile, despite the lump in your throat, as you are shown yet another photo of a cute baby.
Gradually, waiting turns into fear. Everyone, bar the fortunate few, have to wait a few months to fall pregnant, right? But when the months come and go, the fear creeps in. “What if it never happens?” “Is there something wrong with me?”
The lies feel true – “I’m not good enough”, “I’m a failure”, “I don’t deserve children”
Everywhere you look there are crying babies, pregnant women or cute children – set on some kind of cruel stage it seems, to remind you of what you don’t yet have. School friends and siblings march on easily ahead of you with the life stages you can only dream of and you are left behind in no-man’s land – no longer wanting to be carefree, not yet able to be parents. The stress, tiredness, anxiety, guilt, fear and irritability infiltrate everything and you are robbed of normality, joy, excitement and contentment.
If you know friends or family for whom the above may all be going on behind closed doors – please be kind; think about the things you say, and always be ready to listen and care.
If this sounds familiar, please know that you do not have to go through this journey alone, contact us today for counselling support.